In the Wilderness

As I stand in the midst 
Of this wilderness  
Called life 
Tears roll down my face

And 
I wonder 
Am I alone

Am I the only one
With these thoughts

Am I the only one 
Wondering

Is this it 
Is this all there is 
To life

Standing in the wilderness 
Wolves snapping at my feet 
Trying to topple me 
To the ground 
To eat me alive 
Just after I feasted on the swan 
Last night

The swan that floated by
The one that was filled with peace
So I drew it to me and
Filled my heart with
Joy and love

What happened?

Was the swan really 
The ugly duckling 
Did the wilderness
Drive me to hallucinations

Am I dying already 
Even before the pain 
That I can no longer bear 
Stabs me in the heart 
To shut off the searing burn
Of my soul

What am I to do? 
This wilderness engulfs my whole soul 
My spirit is dimmed
In the darkness 
without trees 
Without life…

What is this wilderness... life 
That swallows everything 
There is nowhere to run 
Nowhere to hide 
Nowhere to go 
But to go…. 
But go where….

What is it that lies on the other side 
Of this wilderness 
That sucks the life out of my soul 
And stomps on the embers of my spirit 
No one has come back 
From the other side
Only glimmers of light beckon 

The other side is dimly lit 
With spirits that beckon 
Then run away 
Enticing me to leave this wilderness

But to go….

Where

For yet another….

That light…

That light has shadows

Something else lurks about …

Uncertainty…
Keeps me in this wilderness… 
Even as my soul is engulfed in darkness
That sucks the life out of my soul
and stomps on the embers of my spirit

Perhaps my ugly duckling 
Will turn into a phoenix…

And then I will rise……